Independence

I’m getting older and dealing with women is a lot less fun than it used to be. I used to admire most of the women I dated – I used to see them as able to handle all sorts of work, know how to have a good time, keep their lives organized and stay on top of the things that had to be done.

I was just in awe of their independence. I still am, to some degree.

Now when I’m dating, I get excited, but it is purely a chemical reaction in the brain that defines hope. There have just been too many women that it could have worked out with and it didn’t for me to get genuinely hopeful anymore.

I used to think that our age was like any other age in regards to this issue – after all, all we have from ages previous are love poems, all whining about the same thing: “she doesn’t love me, waaaaaaah.” I’m thinking now that the issue might not be that simple, though.

There’s something about us which is far more material than previous ages. We really believe we can be independent: we neglect to consider the tax money it takes to make highways and pay for police just so we can get to work; we think there’s a solution to every problem, and miracles and eternal life in fact sometimes exist for us as solutions to problems, not as pointing towards another realm of existence entirely (consider the difference between iconography and more modern representations of Christ to see this, to a small degree).

I’m thinking if I’m going to find love, I need to find people that are honest about where they’re vulnerable. Because this notion of ambition – conquering everything that could go wrong – isn’t really ambition, isn’t striving for anything higher. It’s just excessive worrying about the everyday (this probably affects and limits our notion of “politics,” too).
 
People who are really willing to say “I have this fault” are maybe more than willing to admit that strengths come in tandem with faults, and that independence, ironically enough, is a shared enterprise. Until then, there’s no chance for many of us at love, except by literal miracles – if that’s the case, where we can’t even love anymore because of our desire to control unless God wills it, then god isn’t dead, but is “alive” at the expense of humanity.

Technorati Tags: whining, love, relationships, freedom

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